An interest in celebrity is for people who are foolish enough to invest their emotions into a lost cause.
I had waited years for this event. Finally, Philip Defranco was coming to Chicago under the premise that we, as the audience members, could meet him and some of the Sourcefed crew. Having watched Phil pour his heart out to the internet for six years, you'd bet that this was a highly anticipated event to me. But now, I almost regret going; there isn't complete regret only because of what I relearned as a result of the experience.
It feels worthless to be herded like sheep, and it feels even more worthless to be a single molecule being washed through a rush of water. But what hurts the most is knowing an individual so completely when he doesn't even know your name. And it gets worse-- Phil is the type of person who shares his real, genuine feelings. That's what he does. Through the internet, he offers his opinions and mental courses of action with respect to real topics. This has an intriguing and perhaps unintentional side effect--the audience gets to know him on a strikingly deep level.
Phil, in this case, is a celebrity in what I'm dubiously calling the "celebrity-audience relationship;" the use of the word "dubious" is due to the fact that this "relationship" is not a relationship at all, and here's why. A relationship is a situation in which two individuals connect with each other on an individual level, and getting to know someone on an individual level is the only way to care about that person. As celebrities put their talents out there, the audience begins to learn and understand these talents, which are facets of their being. In this way, an audience gets to know the individual aspects of the celebrity; however, the celebrity never gets to truly know the audience, though he or she may erroneously claim to do so. And with the role that Philip Defranco provides online, this effect is only exacerbated because we, the audience, get to know him frighteningly well.
The idea of celebrity has always felt bizarre to me, and I hadn't been able to articulate it as well as I can now that I have experienced "Defranco Does Chicago." The relationship between two people is how mutual understanding happens. And mutual understanding can grow into friendship, which then can grow into love. And all of these varying extents of interpersonal bonds are what make life feel magical. But the interaction between celebrity and audience is a one-way relationship; the audience members each care for the celebrity as an individual, but this sentiment cannot be returned. As much as a celebrity may try to display gratitude for the support and applause they receive from the audience, that celebrity cannot truly care individually about the audience member; that would involve understanding the opinions, information, and personal tendencies of hundreds thousands of people. In no way can a celebrity understand the audience like the audience understands the celebrity, and for this reason, there is no way to achieve a balanced "relationship" between these parties.
This imbalance of understanding means that a self-respecting person wouldn't want to get involved personally with the life of the celebrity, because the time and emotion invested will not lead to the celebrity returning the favor. I like to compare it to a marriage between a caring person and a psychopath; one person provides all the energy and sympathy, while the other is wholly incapable of providing the same in return. In either of these situations, though, I can't justify getting myself involved. Just as I should never invest my time and care into a psychopath who will never care about me, it is indubitably a waste of my time and care to invest emotionally in the life of a celebrity. You won't get anything back. As much as Phil says "I love yo' faces," I can never believe it, because he doesn't even know my face. And you have to know something before you can love it.
It isn't Phil's fault I had a shoddy time tonight. It is to no fault of anyone on the Sourcefed crew. It is my fault, for expecting that I would get some love in return. Phil and the Sourcefed people have no shortage of love in their hearts; rather, the problem is only that thousands of people know these moguls on a level at which the moguls will never know them. The idea of celebrities with fans always bothered me, but now I get it. And if these celebrities are incapable of caring about me personally, why should I care about them? It's harmful to get in the habit of putting all of your mental eggs in one basket for people who will never appreciate them. I have a lot to give, and you do, too; but I'll tell you what-- the famous people you follow won't be the ones who will applaud you for it. Don't live a life merely searching for others to applaud; look inside yourself for the things for which other people will be applauding YOU.
That's what I took away from all of this. The people applauding the movers and the shakers never got themselves anywhere. I need to stop looking up to people and start climbing up to the platform from which I will shower what joy and rapture I have to offer down on my potential audience. And hopefully, my audience will be one of whom I know every member individually, because my audience will not consist of hundreds, thousands, or hundreds of thousands of people. My audience will be the handful of people I care about the most. And I will be as accessible to my audience as they are to me, because I will ensure that my audience will consist of people I trust. My audience will love me as much as I love them.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Where I'm At
There's so much to do, but I just love being in my bed so much.
I'm not the type of person to fret anxiously about the moments in my life when I'm not being "productive," whatever that means. I don't believe in using the word "procrastination" to describe the periods of time when I'm relaxing or doing something cathartic. However, within me lies an increasingly prominent voice that ushers me toward more action, and it's because I have so many ideas and dreams that require a lot of work. How am I supposed to write a novel, invent and pitch a board game, make an extensive online video series teaching mathematics, record the fifty-two songs I plan on performing, and travel on every U.S. and Interstate highway in the country if I don't start now? I'm only going to be alive for so long! And how am I going to accomplish these things if I'm also investing time in a social life and perhaps starting a family?
This blog post is about goals. My current conundrum as a prospective twenty-five-year-old is to determine what my goals are for my life. I've gotten the basics down in my early twenties-- I have a stable job with a mellow stress level, and I have my own apartment and a car. The base levels of Maslow's pyramid are being decently satisfied; now I have to think about how I'm going to take my life to the next level. How do I approach my quest for self-fulfillment?
Those goals are lofty, aren't they? Just reading them over causes my eyes to widen just a bit. But I realize that I have a lot to try and give this world, and I really want to see if others will appreciate these offerings! How do I go about these things, though? Do I dabble in each interest from time to time, or do I dedicate distinct phases of my life to pursuing these dreams one at a time?
So far, I think I've been looking at one goal at a time, starting with the music. I want to finish recording the 52 songs I've devised for myself, 42 of which are original songs I've penned by myself. But other goals, like the traveling, are continual goals that I can't storm through all at once. Maybe I'll do the creative goals (music, novel, board game, math videos) one-by-one, and the others (exercising, traveling) will be continually realized throughout my life.
Note how I haven't even mentioned any career goals. I think that, for most people, part of adulthood involves realizing that you won't get most of your life fulfillment from your career, because, for the most part, the jobs that people want to be doing don't correlate well with the jobs people need to be doing. The things we need the most, as people, are the bare necessities: food, water, clothing, utilities, infrastructure, security, and health care. However, when we think of our dream jobs, we think of things that are more frivolous: art, music, comedy, athletics, and animal caretakers. Maturity and security comes with accepting that your job isn't going to be the most starry-eyed thing you thought of as a young child, and that that's okay! Sorry, five-year-old Paul; you didn't grow up to be a professional dinosaur rider.
But there's lots of fun, fulfilling things I can do outside of my work, because my job doesn't work me to the bone. When I get home, I still have the time and energy to pursue my non-occupational passions. And man, am I thankful for that. I'm releasing new songs on Soundcloud, and I'm exercising, and maybe I'll even record a video or two. What's more, I have lots of travels planned, including two distinct road trips during this fall alone! Reaching for these goals involves hard work, though, and I'm honestly not sure I'm up for the challenge (because this bed feels REALLY comfortable right now).
That's where investing time in my personal health comes into play. I need to make myself stronger mentally and physically so that I'm ready for ANYTHING. That's just it. I want to be READY. I want to feel like I've got the energy to push through any project that sits on my bucket list. So that's why I need to eat more responsibly and exercise more frequently. I'VE GOT SHIT I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH, DAMNIT!
However, relaxing IS an important part of an individual's health. And I need to keep doing that too. Where is the appropriate balance? That's the biggest question of all, isn't it?
Whatever, fuck it. I'm going to figure this out. Though I'm not going to figure it out by writing about it, I am getting my thoughts together, to remind myself that I'm moving forward. I'm doing what I can, and I've got my whole life ahead of me to reach these goals.
- Complete the road sign collection by seeing all the Interstate and Federal highways, as well as three state highway signs from each state (420 signs in all!)
- Write a novel about the rock golem that befriends a young human girl and their adventures together
- Record and sing all 52 songs, including 42 original songs and 10 covers
- Complete the board game, including the rules and all the cards, and sell it
- Create over 200 instructional videos in a series introducing all people to mathematics in lessons that span from counting to early calculus.
- Maybe get a girlfriend at some point idk.
I'm not the type of person to fret anxiously about the moments in my life when I'm not being "productive," whatever that means. I don't believe in using the word "procrastination" to describe the periods of time when I'm relaxing or doing something cathartic. However, within me lies an increasingly prominent voice that ushers me toward more action, and it's because I have so many ideas and dreams that require a lot of work. How am I supposed to write a novel, invent and pitch a board game, make an extensive online video series teaching mathematics, record the fifty-two songs I plan on performing, and travel on every U.S. and Interstate highway in the country if I don't start now? I'm only going to be alive for so long! And how am I going to accomplish these things if I'm also investing time in a social life and perhaps starting a family?
This blog post is about goals. My current conundrum as a prospective twenty-five-year-old is to determine what my goals are for my life. I've gotten the basics down in my early twenties-- I have a stable job with a mellow stress level, and I have my own apartment and a car. The base levels of Maslow's pyramid are being decently satisfied; now I have to think about how I'm going to take my life to the next level. How do I approach my quest for self-fulfillment?
Those goals are lofty, aren't they? Just reading them over causes my eyes to widen just a bit. But I realize that I have a lot to try and give this world, and I really want to see if others will appreciate these offerings! How do I go about these things, though? Do I dabble in each interest from time to time, or do I dedicate distinct phases of my life to pursuing these dreams one at a time?
So far, I think I've been looking at one goal at a time, starting with the music. I want to finish recording the 52 songs I've devised for myself, 42 of which are original songs I've penned by myself. But other goals, like the traveling, are continual goals that I can't storm through all at once. Maybe I'll do the creative goals (music, novel, board game, math videos) one-by-one, and the others (exercising, traveling) will be continually realized throughout my life.
Note how I haven't even mentioned any career goals. I think that, for most people, part of adulthood involves realizing that you won't get most of your life fulfillment from your career, because, for the most part, the jobs that people want to be doing don't correlate well with the jobs people need to be doing. The things we need the most, as people, are the bare necessities: food, water, clothing, utilities, infrastructure, security, and health care. However, when we think of our dream jobs, we think of things that are more frivolous: art, music, comedy, athletics, and animal caretakers. Maturity and security comes with accepting that your job isn't going to be the most starry-eyed thing you thought of as a young child, and that that's okay! Sorry, five-year-old Paul; you didn't grow up to be a professional dinosaur rider.
But there's lots of fun, fulfilling things I can do outside of my work, because my job doesn't work me to the bone. When I get home, I still have the time and energy to pursue my non-occupational passions. And man, am I thankful for that. I'm releasing new songs on Soundcloud, and I'm exercising, and maybe I'll even record a video or two. What's more, I have lots of travels planned, including two distinct road trips during this fall alone! Reaching for these goals involves hard work, though, and I'm honestly not sure I'm up for the challenge (because this bed feels REALLY comfortable right now).
That's where investing time in my personal health comes into play. I need to make myself stronger mentally and physically so that I'm ready for ANYTHING. That's just it. I want to be READY. I want to feel like I've got the energy to push through any project that sits on my bucket list. So that's why I need to eat more responsibly and exercise more frequently. I'VE GOT SHIT I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH, DAMNIT!
However, relaxing IS an important part of an individual's health. And I need to keep doing that too. Where is the appropriate balance? That's the biggest question of all, isn't it?
Whatever, fuck it. I'm going to figure this out. Though I'm not going to figure it out by writing about it, I am getting my thoughts together, to remind myself that I'm moving forward. I'm doing what I can, and I've got my whole life ahead of me to reach these goals.
- Complete the road sign collection by seeing all the Interstate and Federal highways, as well as three state highway signs from each state (420 signs in all!)
- Write a novel about the rock golem that befriends a young human girl and their adventures together
- Record and sing all 52 songs, including 42 original songs and 10 covers
- Complete the board game, including the rules and all the cards, and sell it
- Create over 200 instructional videos in a series introducing all people to mathematics in lessons that span from counting to early calculus.
- Maybe get a girlfriend at some point idk.
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