This past week has bitch-slapped me multiple times with moments of clarity resonating on a common theme. That theme, or lesson, is all about learning those people who actually support and love you.
It's one thing for people to say they will have your back; it's another thing entirely to verify the truth in such claims. And if you ever wondered about who would come to your rescue, the only practical way to find out is to encounter peril that leaves you in need of rescue. Obviously, we all try to avoid dire situations, so these times of need, when you learn who your real friends are, come few and far between. But the silver lining to every perilous situation comes to us as a moment of clarity, during which we see for ourselves who proved themselves as your real support network.
You can't always tell when a person will follow through, but you learn who's full of shit soon enough. Some people claim that they will come to your rescue and have your back, but you can't always take them at their word. True friends will show their true friendship through actions, and others will make claims of being your friends, when in reality, they're only hangout buddies. Perhaps the greatest milestone in your quest through maturity is gaining the ability to discern true friends from hangout buddies. The difference between the two can be observed only through your friends' actions. A true friend is a friend who acts to hold you up and save you from a bad situation. A hangout buddy will accompany you to parties, but will only see you as a source of a good time. A hangout buddy will drop the ball. A hangout buddy isn't really a friend. But again, you don't know the hangout buddies from the real friends until the shit hits the fan.
To me, true adulthood is reached when a person realizes both the physical need to take care of oneself, and the responsibility to help a friend or family member in times of loss and suffering. If you, without anyone's help, cannot consistently keep yourself in good health, you aren't actually an adult. You might be 60 years old, but if you had never learned to live self-sufficiently, you never became an adult. If you don't have other people in your life to whom you'd devote your strength, stamina, and humanity, you aren't an adult. But be careful. While it's important to ensure that you aren't the only person on your list of beneficiaries, it's also important to ensure your list of friends isn't too long. This brings us to the namesake of this blog: the short list.
There are only certain people who deserve to receive the care you have to give, and it's hard to distinguish which ones are entitled to it. The simplest way to filter out the people you shouldn't care for is to ask the question, "would this person do the same for me?" Some people will just take and take and take, and they're veritable black holes who will suck out the life you have to give. Caring for people like this will be a continuous cycle that drains you, making for an unhealthy lifestyle. Cutting toxic people out of your life isn't just healthy-- it's essential. But don't be too choosy, because remember, everyone has their flaws.
I know better than ever who belongs on my short list of actual, real, helpful friends. I have friends that are willing to actually work to improve my happiness when I'm in a time of need. Again, part of being an adult is accepting that you are the only one who is ultimately responsible for your own happiness, health, and overall success, but everyone has times when things go wrong and help is required. It's hard to be thankful for your support network if you never see it in action, and I got to see some of that action this week. It just reminds me that my friends really are always there to help me. These are the friends I keep on my short list.
Thank you to my brother, my mom, Mel, Kumar, Macy, Vandy, Joy, Andrew, and all my real friends.
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